5 Things Women Who Know Their Self-Worth Do Differently

"Know your worth."

We tell this to our girls.

As a woman who has been through some "things", I find myself wanting to scream this to every young girl so they don't fall in the traps planted along the road to their becoming.

The hypocrisy of it all.

Much of my worth I have learned by going against the grain and falling prey to a few traps of my own. We don't always have an airtight reference for what "our worth" means when we are young. As we get older, our understanding might be skewed because we have been hurt, used and led to believe that the treatment we deserve is a bartering system.

One of the biggest things in life is learning how to treat people accordingly. Every relationship has rocky periods. We have to get comfortable looking at ourselves (since we are the only ones we can control) to assess where we are in the language of love. As a rule of thumb, most of us are taught to treat people as we would want to be treated.  I argue that is a good practice for people you are just getting to know, but once you have developed a relationship it becomes an exchange of accordance.

Start with your belief system. Depending on how cluttered it is, your belief system is somewhere in between the throne you sit on and the pit you can't get out of. The work is understanding what you know to be true about yourself. I found myself in a situation over the last few years that had me in deep thought about my truth. Musing over the idea of "Worth."

In my stirring, I decided I am going to take stock of myself based on my values, history and relationships with those around me. It may sound daunting but sitting around wondering why? after disappointment is much worse. Taking time to assess your truths and see how it presents itself is the beginning of pinpointing your true value when it comes to blessing a cherished person with love and loyalty that is uniquely your own.

1. Start with a list.

The most loyal people tend to be givers. They get joy and fulfillment out of seeing the ones they hold dear thriving and happy. So if they can do something to contribute to their well being or help them out, they will. One of the strongest components of my belief system is that you should always try to be of service to people. You can't learn the most prolific lessons of life if you are always on the receiving end and very seldom on the giving end. Make a list of everything you have done to try and help someone close to you within the last year. How many times you showed up. What sticks out in your mind?

2. Are you taking care of everyone else but you?

I wear many hats and giving is in my nature even if it means I suffer some. This can be a noble trait, but if we don't take the time to care for our deepest needs and rightly identify with them we will end up drained of our essence to be a vessel for anyone.

From that list, note the people that made it a point to give back after you helped them. Are there more people that are non reciprocal? If so, how much time are you spending with these individuals? Are they helping you be better or using you as a step ladder? 

3. Being a doormat is not the business.

Under no circumstances should loyalty, love, trust and transparency be taken for granted. We tend to forget the best things about a giving person is that they are precious. In other words, we don't see folks flushing diamonds down the toilet, but we might see them in a pawn shop from time to time as a quick come up. You pick who you want to give yourself to. Pick the people that want to make a custom piece to be admired with the diamond in you (preferably with rose gold, but that just me). I mean that is what you do with diamonds….

4. Not everyone is ready. We all need work.

We live in a time where so many are restricted in their emotional intelligence. Society sends messages about how to get ahead and what makes someone a "lame" so while you value another persons needs, hopes and dreams, they might be not be capable of understanding what you can contribute and the level of contribution needed on their part. If they can't get a hold of that vibration, then they can't be consistent. In short I say, that if the puzzle doesn't have all the pieces, put it back in the box and play Jenga instead. Practice removing the pieces that aren't holding you up.

5. Loyalty is a labor of love and it is reciprocal.

We stay true to those that maintain residency in the deepest place in our hearts. Being loyal requires us to always give preference to that love and build from it. One cannot want it more than the other. Relationships thrive when trust can be honored, support never goes unnoticed, desires can be heard and what is wrong is rectified. On both ends. If you choose to love, love hard and love freely but be your own compass.