4 Reasons Why I'm Leaving Home, AGAIN!
Illustration By: Laci Jordan
My mom sent me a meme and I thought it was the cutest little mom and daughter thing until it manifested into my heart. It said, “To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you, means you’ve done your job. They are not ours to keep, but to teach how to soar on their own”. She knew after undergrad the plan was not for me to move home, but to try and find a job in DC so I could start my Graduate studies at Georgetown. IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. Feeling broken and weak like my wing had been clipped or injured, I took the easy way out and moved back to Seattle. I didn’t fight to stay, I didn’t fight for the relationship I was in, and I damn sure didn’t fight to discover who I was and what I wanted as a woman at that point in time. I got back to Seattle and got so complacent with my life that all the things I wanted to accomplish took a back seat and I begin to live life as if Seattle was my final destination. I mean to the point where I completely forgot about what the goals were, what the outlook was, and who I was in this world.
I was forced to see myself naked, bare and raw. I remember being in that season, feeling how I felt, and looking at myself in the mirror thinking how disappointed I was in myself for even getting to that place. But that place I was in was needed. You ever get so low you talk to yourself like, “WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”. It reminded me of the things I wanted, the goals I used to chase and why they were still on my heart. God let me move home because it was a part of my route to get to where I am supposed to be, it gave me the strength that I didn’t have, and in fact is A PART of my journey that walks me right into my divine destiny.
“The power just works for the purpose. You can only engage in the power when you engage in the purpose”. –My Pastor
Girl, he was all in my business that Sunday, which is why, it hit all types of nerves. I wasn’t engaging in my purpose, therefore I wasn’t receiving my power because the things I was engaging in could have potentially disqualified me from living out the meaning of my life. So I started tapping back into my assignments, I started tapping back into what makes me happy, and that’s when I finally made my decision to go get MY STUFF back.
All that clarity and visibility in that exact moment helped me see the growth and directed me back into that light I once saw. I’m going back to finish what I started, AND THEN SOME. You ready for it?
1. I wasn’t raised to be complacent
I absolutely hate the word: Complacent. Yuck. I know you’re supposed to be grateful for where you are in life and how far you’ve come, but when you know you’re supposed to be doing more than just sitting in a cube crunching numbers, sitting at that desk is hard.
2. Momma ain’t raise no quitter
Ya know, my Mom would be so disappointed if I said “Ma, I’m just going to stay”, because she is the reason I know I can accomplish whatever is on my heart. I’ve seen her hit rock bottom and flourish back into superwoman x2. She is my motivation to dream big and believe in my ability to change the way black women look at one another. Because of her I know I am more than able to go back and let my light shine, it just might burn somebodies edges.
3. Fighting for my right to inspire, and change lives
We need each other. WE NEED EACH OTHER. There’s no other way I can put it. Us, women of color are in a state of emergency and have been for a long time. We need to hear each other, to take up for one another and help each other up when we may not feel like getting up after a hard ass fall. Someone to cheer us on when we don’t think we can dust ourselves off and try again. (Thanks Aaliyah) Life is hard, and I want to celebrate the big victories as well as the small victories with those who aren’t afraid to just be exactly who they are in every raw moment.
4. Cus’ I know I’m MAGIC
I get it all the time. There’s a glow, or a light beaming from inside my 5’3 frame. That glow, and that light ain’t supposed to be compressed. My name is gold, as all of ours are and I’m going to make sure everyone knows it. I’m going to sprinkle this BLACK GIRL PIXIE DUST with whomever I come in contact with.
No more holding back, no more hiding, no more running from my purpose because lets face it, I’ll forever be running from something that’s instilled in me and A’INT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
Our purpose is scary but it feels so good. I often laugh and be like I don’t know how you’re going to do this but I also know I didn’t write the blueprint. it’s up to us to take control, be proactive and turn our wheels in the right direction.
They can’t confine us, they can’t tame us, and they can’t hold us. So girl, I’m going! I’m running straight to my purpose. Are you?