Treat Yo' Self Girl: 4 Mantles in Leading an Unapologetic Life

Hey girl hey! This thing called life has its ups and its downs. We continue to go through many phases that shape us into the woman we are today and the beauty we will become later on down the road.

With that being said, we've been blessed with one life to live and it's vital for us to lead the life WE want, no matter what outside opinions may have to say.

As women, we often put ourselves on the back burner for many reasons and for many people. Eventually, putting the most important person (that's you!) last has the potential to lead to many  issues, physically and mentally, such as high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, alcoholism, drug addiction, the list just goes on girl!

Although we know that we should come first, we also do not know exactly how to go about living for ourselves. Let me be of service to you dear....let's get the list poppin'!

I present to you:



1. Validate Your Feelings


"Your feelings are valid". This is a common phrase my best friend for many years still tells me to this day. I have this issue that I've been working on for a long time that has held me back in the past. I'm someone that doesn't like confrontation. I have a bad habit of keeping my feelings bottled up in order to spare someone else's feelings when it comes to myfeelings. If you can relate, this is the most toxic thing you can do to yourself.

If a friend, partner, family member or co-worker says or does something that REALLY makes you feel a certain way, let them know immediately. Do not overthink what his/her reaction will be once you let the issue be known, thus leading you to say to yourself "forget it, it's stupid." WRONG! INCORRECT! GIRL HELL NO. No matter what you may feel about a certain issue at hand, don't convince yourself or let anyone make you feel as if your feelings are invalid. They are not. Although we choose how we react to different situations, we cannot control the way we feel.

As soon as you let those emotions out, I assure you, you will feel much better. Keeping things bottled up is very unhealthy and can lead to moments where you finally let all that angst go when a minuscule problem happens. Then you're out here going ballistic and looking crazy because you never said something before. People are not mind readers and we often times think just because someone has known us for some time, that they should know what words/actions will press that emotional button, and that's not always true. Let it out girl.

 Now,  if whomever you express your feelings to has an issue with you being a human being with real emotions causes another negative ordeal, that leads me to my next point....

2. Stand Up For Yourself


Disrespect coming from anyone is a no. There is no reason for anyone to disrespect you as a person for any reason. This point is very vital when it comes to being a woman. We often times are disrespected by our misogynistic male counterparts on a plethora of topics and although men should have it instilled in their minds to give respect to women, no matter how a woman dresses, carries herself, etc, unfortunately, some do not think that way and think it's okay to disregard our feelings when we feel disrespected. It's your job to stand up for yourself as a woman and as a human being.

Like I said in the first mantle, if someone has an issue with you feeling some type of way about how THEY treated you, the next step is to stand firm behind those emotions and stand up for yourself.

No matter what the outcome may be, when someone in your life disrespects you, male or female, DO. NOT. LET. IT. SLIDE. For your own good, stand up for yourself or your conscience will ride your back for quite some time. And if that person has an issue with you taking a stand, then do like Martin, open the door and kick em' out like Pam. Trust me, it's not as big of a loss as you may think.

3. Stop Apologizing


Now, if you do something wrong, or offend someone, then you do need to apologize lol.

What I'm trying to say is, don't apologize for the way you lead your life, your feelings, your opinions, or who you are as a person just because others may feel uncomfortable. For a long time, I apologized to people for who I am, and that's considered insanity to me nowadays. I would even start my opinions with, "Sorry, but..." If you do the same thing, girl stop it.

Have you ever noticed during a debate, a presidential one in particular, that candidates never start their views on certain topics with "I'm sorry but this is where I stand on..."? No you have not. If we ever heard a potential president say "sorry" during a debate where he/she is supposed to stand FIRM in their beliefs, we would question their leadership. Would you vote for someone who apologizes a lot?

I'm someone that believes in old fashioned dating. Not sorry. I love basketball and football and always await each season as if Christmas is coming. Not sorry. I think purple is the best color in the world. Not sorry. I want to be well off in my career before I settle down. Not sorry. Some people may disagree with those points but guess what...I don't care.

Don't let anyone try to force you into a box of how you should act, carry yourself or speak. You belong to you and you should never apologize for being you.

4. Do Whatever the F*ck You Want! 


Too often, we hold ourselves back from doing what we really want to do in order to please others. Again, stop.

Do what you want with NO regrets!

Pleasing others has been so severe that we sacrifice our happiness, and that's when trouble begins.

My last year in undergrad, I knew I wanted to go to film school. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "Making a movie is hard", "There aren't many black female directors though", or "You should get your masters in something that will make you money.", I could make it rain on Sallie Mae several times. But you know what, I did what I wanted and I applied to many film schools, eventually making a decision on the best one for me.

Living for others is not a life well lived at all darling. Whatever your heart desires, do what you want and don't ever think twice about what others will say.


Life is hard enough beauty, so lead your life in the most fulfilling, unapologetic way imaginable. When you're sitting in your rocking chair one day, and you're thinking back on your life, you'll be happy you lived the life led by the most wonderful person you know :-)