Treat Yo' Self Girl: 5 Essentials to Being Happily #TeamSingle


Let me ask you this, how long has it been since you've been in a relationship? Not a situationship, but a solid, genuine relationship where you and your partner have agreed you are indeed a couple? Whether it's been a few months, a year or even years since you've had a cinnamon apple to call your own, I'm sure there have been moments (or you feel this way as I type this) where you believe you're lonely.

I've realized that many women are "serial daters"; meaning, they've been in a relationship or situationship of some sort since their teen years, then the period where fish are no longer biting arrives and they no longer know what the hell to do with themselves. At this point, desperation kicks in and the "I'm so lonely" conversation commences. It's tragic and it's real.

Well, I'm here to let you know there is a difference between LONELY and ALONE; and being alone isn't a death sentence contrary to popular belief.

Let's define both terms before we dive in:

Lonely: adj; 1. sad because one has no friends or company. 2. without companions; solitary.

Alone: adj and adv; 1. having no one else present; on one's own. 2. indicating that something is confined to the specified subject or recipient.

You can always FEEL some type of way when you are alone, which is usually lonely...but in all honesty girl, that alone time is an opportunity to get ready for your King. Trust me, he's on his way.

Without further adieu...

1.Find Your Purpose


I will keep making this point, until I'm blue in the face. This is the biggest essential in not only being single for a certain amount of time, but also in life... period.

What were you put on this Earth to do? How will what you do in this life live on after you've left this Earth? Who will you touch in this lifetime? Write those questions down and aim to answer them as time goes on.

One thing I will let you know, you weren't solely put on this Earth to find your mate. "Yes, "Finding love is an important part of life, but it shouldn't be the only goal you seek. [Tweet "Once purpose is found, the other wonderful aspects of this life fall into place; including precious love."]

2. Get Your Self-Esteem Up


When you don't like yourself, why would you expect anyone else to my dear? [Tweet "A woman with self-esteem is the most attractive trait that we have the power and right to carry each and every day."]

Let's be real right now, have you ever come across a woman who isn't physically attractive, in your opinion, but in essence, she's very lucky in the dating department? Of course her personality and heart of gold may be a factor, but her self-esteem is a key factor as well.

Just like the good vibes I mentioned in the 5 Commandments of Completeness article, people can sense good and bad self-esteem and feed off of that. A man can only lift you up but so much, until he starts to feel as if he's your therapist, rather than your partner. Relying on anyone but yourself to rid that insecurity you got going on, creates problems that can get realer than rap.

Build that self esteem, nurture it, and protect it at any cost. It's more valuable than you think.

[Tweet "Stop giving someone else the job of making you happy."]

3. Say No to Relationship Goals


Around our mid to late twenties, as women and especially women of color, the relationship goal is most likely one of the main goals, and even I'm with ya on this one girl; I get WORRIED when I see engagements and weddings blooming faster than the first cherry blossom in Spring time.

With the so-called "statistics" of unmarried black women getting higher and higher each year, parents in your ear talking about grandchildren, and the images society has of the ideal woman (Ayesha Curry) being forced on us, who wouldn't resort to eyeballing the outwardly perfect relationships we see?

There's nothing wrong with wanting a solid, healthy relationship, but it's a problem when every couple you see in the media or even in your daily life, is the union you claim to want as well.

For one, you don't know what goes on in anyone's relationship behind closed doors, not even your parents. For two, again, putting an expectation of how things are supposed to be once you do get involved with someone, based off of someone else's love life, is asking for disappointment.

Do you boo, and don't worry about what you see on the outside looking in.

4. Don't Waste Your Time


#DontWasteYourTime2016, you will regret it if you do! If you have not or are not attempting to take care of you first, why are you committing a majority of your time to dating, girl?

I had this problem myself a few years ago. Back in 2012, I had just gotten out of a lengthy situationship  and I was so sure that I was ready to move on, that I was on at least four different dating websites for two years straight. Yes, I was insanely desperate. Not only had I not taken that window of opportunity to get to really know and learn to love myself post situationship, but not doing so, allowed me to entertain guys that were just as foolish and unfit for me as the dude I had just left! The fear of loneliness is as real as you and me, and it makes you do crazy things.

"I am afraid of my decisions I make when I am afraid"-Pastor Toure Roberts

You put up with a lot of bulls**t when you're terrified of being single and choose to be miserable with someone to avoid solitary days. That method my dear, is very damaging. Spend your alone period, learning to treasure who you are now and who you are trying to become; you owe it to yourself.

5. Be Patient


Although we do play a role in getting whatever it may be that we desire/need in life, patience is always the last and best step in acquiring a career, a goal, and a relationship. You must be still and let timing do its thang.

"Haste makes waste" is a very popular phrase my mother continues to remind me of to this day, and she's right. When you rush, things fall apart.

You ever seen a dress that looked as if the manufacturer rushed to get the item made? Did the dress look as if it would be garbage in less than a month if you dared to purchase and wear it? I have.

Just like a $29.95 dress can fail the test of time due to rushing through the making of it, so can a relationship. Be patient girl! Anything worth having, is worth waiting for.

Remember, the single life is the best time to get yourself together, enjoy this amazing life and live everyday as the fabulous woman that you are.

It's not a curse or a punishment in being single and don't let anyone tell you different.