Treat Yo' Self Girl: 5 Clues in Knowing When to Let Him Go
Hello, salutations and heyyy beauties! As the frigid months of winter are on the way out the door, and summer is vastly approaching, I've noticed that women around my age are looking for that summer lurve.
The summertime is a great period to kick it with someone. The weather is perfect, there's far more activities to do rather than lay up as one would in the winter months, and it's just a great, fresh feeling to fall in love in the warm season *cues Beyonce's Summertime*.
But one fine detail we must pay attention to beauties, when you do find yourself fancying someone, is to know when to leave when things aren't looking promising.
We often see a red flag very early on in the beginning stages of a potential relationship, and often times, we ignore those flags in hopes that we can "change a man" in the way we see fit. And that is where our biggest downfall happens: We fall in like/love with potential and not what's right in front of us, which usually is sub par behavior.
Girl it's time to catch these clues if you're dealing with a little boy and move on to a grown man.
Allow me to break down the 5 CLUES IN KNOWING WHEN TO LET HIM GO:
1. He Doesn't Court You
Dating and courting are two separate things. Yes, you go on dates when you are getting courted, BUT just because you're dating someone doesn't mean he's courting you, which is why sometimes our expectations are different than his.
So, what is courting you ask?
be involved with romantically, typically with the
intention of marrying.
"he was courting a girl from the neighboring farm"
go out with,
, run after,
, go steady with;
, set one's cap for,
, seek the hand of
"he's courting her sister"
Girl...if MARRIAGE is the goal for you, at this point ya boo thang really shouldn't still be around if he doesn't know or wants to court a queen such as yourself. However, this clue has been watered down by society so much, that when we do demand a legit courtship, we get those "that's why you single" comments, thus making us settle for Netflix and chill. NO!
People can label you as sadity, stuck up, a gold digger, or whatever if you demand a man does things the old fashioned way when you start dating...and you know what, you can be all of those labels then. By not letting your guard down and not accepting "dates" that always include sitting in the house, I assure you, the man that's up for the job will have no issue doing such, in efforts to get to know you, and spend time with you.
If he stays texting you 90-100% of the time rather than talk on the phone and/or FaceTime, that's problematic. Too many times, we read texts differently and some things can come off a certain way to us vs hearing the person's voice. Why does he always text you girl? Hearing your voice should be something he anticipates. Communication is a part of courting, and texting was made for moments when you can't talk on the phone, NOT at all times.
2. He Doesn't Know the Real YOU
It's been six months to a year since you've been kicking' it with this man, and he doesn't even know or has been trying to get to know the real you. Problematic.
Now, for many of us who have been in horrible, one-way, or even abusive relationships, yes we still are guarded in a sense when we start seeing someone new. However, over time, when both parties see a future blossoming, that guard slowly starts coming down at various times.
If this man is someone that you've been really digging, and he claims he's digging you too, then why doesn't he know your personality, what ticks you off, how you respond to certain situations, your hidden talents, hell, your birthday?!
Let me help you with this one by using myself as an example: There hasn't been one man that I've been involved with that has read or heard my poetry, and that is a fact. I write novels, screenplays, articles and I'm even a social media writer by day, but my first love is poetry. I have two full notebooks of poems and not one man I caught myself claiming to have feelings for has ever read my work. Why? Because they never asked to read any or have me recite a piece when I did slip my dear love for poetry into our conversation. Why? Because they didn't care. It's that simple. There's no excuses for it.
When a man is honestly and truly invested in you, he wants to know every single thing about you, and can even go as far as getting a little upset/sad when he discovers a hidden talent you may have that you never mentioned to him before. Don't complicate things by thinking him knowing you on a deeper level comes with years and years of being involved with him. If he gives a damn about you, he'll want to learn more about you each and every day and be more than open with you knowing the real him as well. And that's the double truth Ruth!
3. He Doesn't Share Good News
Bad news is also a part of this clue right here, but something I've peeped before in past situations is this, when a man didn't care whether I was in or out of his life, he never shared good news with me. Riddle me this: who are the people that you run and tell good news to as soon as you find out? Family, friends, MATES. If he's just not that into you, you'll see whatever awesome news he has, on social media, along with everyone else.
If he considers you a big part of his life, you should be included in that handful of people that he goes to when things go wrong and when things go right.
Catch this clue beauty, it's usually overlooked.
4. He's Fine Being Stagnant
This is the clue that is always right there, repeatedly smacking us in the face, yet we keep on sitting there with a frozen smile, waiting for the pain to go down. Don't get pimp slapped over and over girl. Just don't.
We all know guys hate the infamous question, "what are we?" and to be honest, we hate having to ask it. But in all honesty, you really shouldn't have to ask this question, nor be afraid to if you find yourself doing this.
Grown boys don't like answering questions that could potentially ruin their comfortable, stagnant situation they're in, which is why when a woman asks, "what are we?" they either play dumb, disregard the question altogether, or make you feel as if you're a psycho to have the audacity to ask if he will ever make you his girlfriend, after MONTHS of seeing one another. There's nothing crazy about wanting to know if someone you're dealing with, wants to be exclusive with you or not. Games are not to be played when it comes to feelings.
There's never a timeline for when you should become exclusive with someone, but it's a problem when you're both acting as if you are in a relationship, but not really at the same time, yet nothing has changed. Stagnant.
For example: You see each other often, have gone out on a plethora of dates, maybe even have taken a couple of weekend getaways together, have been intimate physically and mentally...BUT neither of you have met each other's families, friends, and at the end of the day, you both are single in a sense. Problematic.
After all this time, expectations on where this relationship is going hasn't been discussed? Why not? And if you did ask him time and time again, and he dances around the question, then I'm sorry to break it to you but...we know what's good. Men are not as complicated as we believe when they're involved with the woman they truly want to be in a relationship with.
If he's keeping you around as a clutch until the woman he sees being his wife one day comes along, he will surely never willingly bring up being exclusive with you, and doesn't ever want to know anything about your family, close friends or want to ever meet them.
Stop pedaling on that stationary bike with him, get off and leave that boy where he's at. I promise you, the headaches aren't worth it.
5. Your Intuition Says RUN!
A woman's intuition has been called a lot of things by men that play games, and those names are: crazy, paranoid, slow, wrong, and crazy.
In the past, I have always ignored my intuition about many things, convincing myself that I was being paranoid and creating problems before they happened. Doing so, got me in situations that could've been avoided, had I listened, thus creating those problems that I claimed my intuition would bring forth if I didn't ignore it.
He can call your intuition every name in the book all he wants, but one thing that remains true is, a woman's intuition is always right. It's a gift and a curse at times. Intuition is a gift because, when you actually listen to it, it saves you from stress and sleepless nights. Intuition is only a curse when you really really really want things to go the distance with someone you're feeling at the moment and when it starts a-stirring, it cannot be stopped.
If his behavior makes you question if you're the only woman he's pursuing, has got you lurking on his Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Periscope, Myspace, Xanga, BlackPlanet, then girrlllllll, you already know the deal. That little voice in your head is not the crazed version of you that most grown boys like to make you think it is, it's that woman's intuition that's trying to save you from a potential heartbreak; listen to it.
Queens get treated like queens. 'Nuff said. Don't put up with any treatment outside of what you know you deserve. If the man you're dealing with is throwing you these clues, it's time to breathe, stretch, shake and let him go. Better is out there and you won't find better, by continuing to entertain mediocrity.
TELL EM' BOY BYE :-)
TREAT YO' SELF GIRL AND STAY BEAUTIFUL